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We live in an era where having a single breadwinner is no longer the norm. Gone are the days where the father is the head of the household and the one holding the purse strings. Many women now have full-time jobs and the concept of a family has evolved to become more of equal status between spouses.
While many fathers had taken to sharing the responsibilities that were traditionally seen as the mothers’, like house chores and taking care of the baby, oftentimes mothers still have a hard time accepting that it is teamwork and not solo. And sometimes, mothers experience mom guilt.
What is mom guilt?
It is a feeling that mothers get that tells them that they’re not doing enough, that they’re not putting their best efforts, that they’re doing something wrong. This can especially occur with working mothers because they are away a lot from their children who need them and are depending on them for survival and the littlest things. They feel like they’re not giving their children enough attention or attending to their needs or even feel like they’re pushing their children away.
When mothers start to feel all that, negative thoughts will start accumulating in their minds and this can affect their every judgment. Was I too soft on my child? Or perhaps too hard on him? Should I stop working? Did I say the wrong thing? Am I a bad mom for not spending enough time with my baby?
Any situation could make them start questioning and second-guessing their every move and decision, and make them feel less of a parent when that is actually not the case, which can have an adverse effect on their psychological and physical health.
Getting rid of mom guilt
It is crucial to not let those pessimistic feelings get in your way of rising to your potential as a mother. Before you are a mom, you are a person. And every person deserves to get a pat on the back for doing their best.
If you know that you’re at that stage, you should go head to head with the problem and spar with it. Only by acknowledging that it is an issue will you be able to resolve it and not be so hard on yourself, because in reality, the fact that these thoughts are constantly on your mind shows that you are doing just fine as a mummy.
So what are some ways to go about tackling mom guilt? Read on to find out.
1. Re-examine your priorities and expectations
Yes, your child is your world now and you want the best for him or her. But you have to respect your limits and boundaries. It is not easy and quite impossible to be by your child’s side all the time when you are working. You should take a step back and take in your current situation to evaluate your expectations. Not everything is a priority. You can afford for some things to be put on the back burner for now and later on come back to it when time is on your side.
Putting too much expectations on yourself will only have you crumbling under pressure when you see yourself incapable of achieving those unrealistic goals. Rather than setting a ladder of achievement, why not see the whole picture as a process with ever-changing dynamics? After all, children grow up so fast and so unpredictably. Why make the experience so tiresome? You should enjoy the process more.
2. Remember that you’re setting an example
Parents are the first adults children see. They are walking examples that children typically copy. So, everything you do will have your children’s eyes following. Which is why when you stop guilt-tripping yourself, you are showing your children that you are a strong person capable of knowing your limits and knowing when to make a conscious decision on when to take a break to care for yourself.
You wouldn’t want to see your loved ones heading so strongly into something being all stressed out, lost, and feeling bad from spreading themselves too thin. Well, the same goes for them.
This way, you are also teaching them how to consider their circumstances before making a decision. Children are intuitive and when you set a good example of how to take care of yourself mentally and physically, they will follow suit.
3. Invest in yourself and get a support group
There is a reason why the term “mom guilt” was coined. This is because it is a pretty common occurrence, meaning that you are not alone. A good way to get over it is to find a support group that will boost your confidence and give you a new perspective. Find like-minded mummies who understand what you’re going through and they can act as your pillar in going through this journey. And on the way, you will see yourself as someone worthy of your time and effort.
Investing in yourself will be one of the best things you can do for yourself. You can also do some activities for relaxation together with your mommy friends. If you want to shop, go shopping. If you want to take five and be alone for a bit, take some time off for yourself. If you want a massage, go get one. There is no better person to treat you well than you, and you will see that investment pay off in time to come.
That is of course not saying that you should let go of all your responsibilities as a mother. There should be a balance for you and your baby. You can even do the same activities.
For example, if you found a massage lady Singapore to destress, you can get a baby massage Singapore for your little one as well. In fact, this is a good idea for the postpartum period whether you’ve just given birth or it’s been a few weeks. So, why not try these services at Postnatal Massage Singapore (PNSG), one of the best postnatal care Singapore that focuses on recovery and weight loss? You won’t regret it.